Say It Loud

My reactions and reflections to Dark Girls:

I watched this video.  I watched, read and listened to For Colored Girls and become enveloped in a new sense of empowerment; my brain is finally acknowledging the fact that I am not the only person in this struggle, this "dark" place.

There is so much involved in the composition of the “black girl”.  We too are like onions and ogres, layers upon layers of depth and definition interwoven with a deep cultural richness.

I have a summer shade and winter shade.  My summer shade is dark, mysterious and lovely.  My winter shade makes me feel so past and pale but it makes me feel like I fit in better with my friends that lack pigmentation.  My hue has reds and yellows.  I glow.  But unlike the brand of my childhood perm, I don’t feel Dark and Lovely.

My sorority little sister is dark and beautiful.  There is nothing more to it.  I don’t think she believes that she is beautiful all the time.  How can you, when people look at you and tell you “Damn, you are dark as midnight.  If you close your eyes and open your mouth I’d think you were the Cheshire Cat!” People think they are being funny but what is really being done is something serious.  It creates this institution, this mental block that causes this circle of self loathing.  She’s rocking these blue contacts right now that just look ridiculous.  But I did that.  I wore green ones because there comes a time where you are just feed up with being black, black, black.  An aunt of mine has blue eyes and an uncle has green.  From what I’m told my Popi had blue eyes.

The thing that will hit me every day, the thing that will haunt me well after her death is the fact that I had the audacity to ever tell my mother I wanted my white mommy to pick me up from preschool.  I can’t even fathom the damage and pain I caused her at the meager age of four. 

I’ll entertain the idea of dating anybody but in actuality, I've only ever been with people of a different race because I don’t want to perpetuate a stereotype.  I don’t want to go out in public and be judged.  It’s painful and it pains me to type this.  I was bullied in school by people of matching and differing complexion: where does that leave me?  My grandmother told me I needed to wait until she died to get married because she was sure it wouldn't be a black man at the altar with me.  Ouch.  It’s still hard to find make up at a grocery store in my skin tone.  I can’t just go buy a nude bra or tights.  I have to find a specialty store and stock up because who knows how long the product will last.  I won a contest and was given shampoo that I can’t use because it is not for my hair type.

I hate my hair.  I stopped getting weaves to mimic white celebrities mostly because it was running me $300+ every two months and was just me trying to blend in to what society thinks I should look like.  My short hair is not my favorite but it is mine.  My workplace is a strange place.  The majority of the people in my office are women of color.  In another office, would I be allowed to have my hair natural and curly?  Would it be a distraction?  DOES ANYBODY ASK THAT QUESTION THAT IS NOT A PERSON OF COLOR?  Incredible that as a woman of color I have to think about that, seriously think about that.  I tried dying my hair in the same trends my friends were doing in middle school and I lost my hair just trying to fit in, with any group.

I make it a point in my life to mention that I am not just African American.  This might be because everybody else has these vivid tales of their nationalities and ancestry. I am also Cuban and Irish and I am beautiful.  In other countries, do they say I’m Polish Russian?  Do people care like they do here?

Think about this cheerios commercial drama.  Why can’t an interracial couple be in a commercial when these types of couples are a becoming a reality.

How beautiful would it be for us to just have a world free from color barriers?  This is the new/old NOH8.  

Let the revolution start with you today: Love thyself first and but nobody above thee.